TRAGEDY + TIME = COMEDY

PLEASE 🙏 spend a minimum of 30 seconds in this story. If you do not, I get PENALIZED in a variety of odious ways. I wish I was kidding about that, but I'm not. Thank you 😃

I've opted to receive emails when certain people publish.

As an aside, it's a thing worth considering. Whatever you do though, don't opt to receive emails when I publish. If you sign up for that miserable fate it'll just make my already-bloated head swell, more.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way.

I got this email.

There are a number of observations one can make about the image above.

1️⃣ I'm so fucking ancient that I have one of the few remaining AOL Desktop Gold accounts.

2️⃣ I'm so dope, lit, hip and happening that I also have one of those newfangled gmail accounts.

3️⃣ I think Roz Warren, Writing Coach is cool. Why else would I voluntarily agree to know about her writing output?

4️⃣ I received the Roz-related email hours before this story was written.

5️⃣ Having lots of open Medium windows excites me.

6️⃣ I can simultaneously write and hack someone's TDAmeritrade brokerage account.

There's more one could say here, but you get the off-topic picture.

However, there is one bizarre fact about the incompetently-done screen shot above that is obscure.

Roz's story was written about the time Columbus didn't discover America.

See …

Oh, I guess you can't see.

But trust me, the story is dated August 26th, 1720. Or may it's August 26th, 2020.

Either way, it's from a long freaking time ago.

Incidentally, in case you're wondering what Meniere's Disease is, it's when a human turns into a rabbit.

And, so as to not leave you in suspenders, I've seen a picture of Roz since she issued this story from her earliest writing days and she's all better now.

As is said "hare today, gone tomorrow."

Well children, what are the takeaways from today's history lesson?

1️⃣ Although many claim there's no future in history, especially ancient history, with their new focus, Medium is soundly demonstrating that a long-term perspective provides value. I can hardly wait until Medium re-distributes my story on the John Quincy Adams sex tapes. It'll bring today's political shenanigans into sharper focus. I can promise you that.

2️⃣ Those with Meniere's Disease are cute.

3️⃣ Medium has a endless bag of scintillating new tricks.

4️⃣ If you try hard enough, you can be inappropriate, and possibly funny, about nearly any topic. Maybe even more than one, simultaneously.

5️⃣ Tony Stubblebine probably hates me and is actively searching for a legit way to throw me off the party barge others call Medium.

6️⃣ Reuben Salsa had nothing to do with this story but I haven't heard from him for too long and I'm reaching out.

7️⃣ If Medium continues their titillating new ancient history venture many will see just how bad my old writing is.