One of the biggest mistakes we can make in dating is taking the instant chemistry we feel with someone as a sign of compatibility. That the fireworks we feel on the first few dates must mean that love is knocking at our door.

The truth is, chemistry does not always equal compatibility. Despite how great the first few dates may be, there is no guarantee that there is anything beyond initial attraction there. Believing otherwise is a surefire way to shoot ourselves in the foot if our initial assumptions are proven wrong.

I know, it may sound a bit pessimistic to assume the rush we feel when we meet someone new isn't what we hope it to mean — but as someone who has sent their expectations souring in the past, the higher you go, the harder you're inevitably going to fall.

I wanted to go into a few of the reasons why with you in this article today.

Nothing In Life Is Certain, Ever.

Unfortunately, we can't predict the future. It would be great if we could, but life isn't a marvel film it would be handy to be in this situation. Our brain likes to make assumptions -especially where comfort and certainty are concerned- and dating in itself is a wildly uncertain environment to place yourself in.

Despite how great your initial date may first appear, it's critical to remind yourself that first impressions are not everything. Moreover, we have no more control over someone else's desires and interests than we do the weather. Assuming we can predict anything where someone else is concerned is a risky game from the get-go as it sets us up for potentially huge disappointments.

When we accept life as its unpredictable and uncertain self, we free ourselves up to be carried by its waves rather than pushed against them.

Chemistry Can Be Both Good and Bad

Not all reactions are good. Take bleach and acids for example. Despite the fact they do react together, the formation of chlorine gases, as a result, is far from good. It can cause coughing, breathing difficulties, and even death at high levels. The same goes for our relationships. An initial spark may be an indicator of the chemistry — but at what cost down the line?

For example, physical attraction will most certainly create chemistry between two people and the resulting cataclysm of hormonal/neurological reactions will feel incredible — but are the two of you truly compatible? Is there anything beyond the physical attraction? Do you both connect emotionally, and spiritually? Do your interests fall into similar areas?

Placing too much importance on our initial feelings can cloud our judgment when it comes to the really important stuff that allows relationships to last. What good is chemistry if two months down the line you realize your partner is failing to meet your needs due to their emotional unavailability? What good is chemistry if the dynamic is causing us to consistently self-abandon in order to impress? What good is chemistry if beyond the great sex, the two of you have nothing to speak about?

Chemistry will only get you so far without the compatibility that will allow it to last.

Instant Chemistry May Not Always Be Good

One of THE biggest faults I see in individuals who find themselves repeating the same old relationship patterns is their tendency to follow instant connections. In fact, unhealthy attractions are born from these conditions. It's the thrill that pulls us in despite the fact red flags tell us otherwise.

For example, those of us who have a habit of placing our romantic interests on pedestals create power dynamics from the get-go. In this, placing our self-worth on the premise that we are only worthy if we are chosen is the basis of an anxious attachment. An anxious attachment, moreover, that on the surface may be mistaken for chemistry when in fact it is only a longing for what we feel deprived of.

It's also worth noting that putting too much importance on chemistry creates an attachment far too soon in the dating process. Blinded by what you think is love in bloom, you miss out on key signs that may turn out to be red flags. Maybe they fail to check up on you, ask you out on dates, show clear signs of emotional unavailability, gaslight you, invite you around at their convenience, etc. The emotions that come with attraction are incredibly enticing and have the real potential of clouding our rational judgment. You have to be aware of this save realizing the hard truths later on.

Staying Grounded Whilst Dating

The main point of this article isn't to steer you away from people you have chemistry with but to be aware of its origins whilst also acknowledging that chemistry does not equal compatibility.

I recently started dating someone new and whilst our time together has been great so far, I am aware of my tendency to invest too much too soon. To assume that because something feels good, something good must be coming. In the past, all this has done is lift my expectations to a point where I suffered more when the relationship fell short.

Remind yourself of how early in the dating process you are. That beneath the surface, you know very little about this person you're feeling so good about. Yes, you can acknowledge that you had a great time with them and that sparks flew, but don't use that as a basis to believe in something more. Not before you truly get to know them -if it even gets that far.

-Above The Middle