Do you ever find yourself in conversations where it seems like everyone around you knows everything about everything? They effortlessly discuss art, history, literature, and philosophy, and swish their perfect hair behind their crisp white shirt that looks perfect, of course.

All the while you feel like you're left grasping at straws, unable to contribute meaningfully, and hoping no one probes and asks for your thoughts on Derrida.

I mean seriously, it's the stuff of nightmares.

But trust me, I know how it feels and the good news is that you're not alone.

There are many people out there longing to become more 'cultured' and interesting, and I think I have some great advice to help get you there.

As a student at the University of Oxford, I often felt inadequate in the face of my peers' seemingly endless breadth of knowledge. As if anyone actually already knew Greek, Latin, and 3 modern languages, and could confidently articulate Aristotle's theory of the origins of poetry at the age of 18!?

Coming from a humble background- my dad was a postman when I got my place at uni- I lacked the conventional exposure to 'cultured' subjects, and quite honestly these people seemed like aliens to me.

However, I refused to get into the thorny practice of comparison.

I embarked on a journey to broaden my horizons and discovered that there are several things you can do to become more cultured. And they don't all include poring over dusty books all day every day. Though a bit of that wouldn't hurt if that's what you're into.

Appreciate Where You're At

Firstly, I want you to appreciate what you know already.

These seemingly insane geniuses got to where they are today by spending time learning about these things. You had that time too, it was just spent doing other things and learning other types of knowledge. That doesn't make it any less valid and it will act as a great base to become more interesting and cultured.

So your primary interests aren't playing the violin or conjugating verbs? All is not lost. Lean into your own interests. They are there for a reason and will help keep you motivated on your journey to expanding your knowledge.

Cultivation doesn't always mean exploring entirely new things. View what you've always enjoyed through a new lens.

For example, I loved learning Karate when I was a kid, so as part of my quest to become more cultured I decided to delve into its history, explore the philosophies that underpin the practice, and understand how it has evolved.

This lead me to find out tons about Japanese history, and culture and even gave me a reason to read the Classic Sun Tzu's Art of War, which in turn gave me an interesting perspective when it came to studying Sparta in my Classics degree. I was able to compare cultures and even think about the physicality of fighting in a way that my more traditionally educated classmates couldn't.

By approaching your interests from a broader perspective, you deepen your understanding and appreciation for them and give yourself a good chance of knowing things that others don't- in other words, you become more interesting.

Learn However the Heck You Want

So once you've identified the subjects you're interested in and that you'll use as a jumping-off point, you need to decide how you're going to learn.

I personally love reading so I don't have too many problems with the typical advice of "get reading" but that might not be the case for you. The thing in the modern world there is so much content in so many forms that you can consume knowledge in a million different ways.

If philosophy seems daunting, start with introductory articles that break down complex concepts into more digestible pieces- I'd recommend looking at the Stanford Encyclopaedia of Philosophy for this btw! If you're more inclined towards visual learning, seek out YouTube videos or documentaries on the topic. Or you could always find podcasts if you prefer to listen and absorb knowledge. Heck, you can even start with educational TikToks! Just find what works best for you.

The important thing is that you are learning instead of fretting that you don't know enough.

Other ways of learning more that aren't just study include:

a) Attending Cultural Events: Try attending local exhibitions, performances, and cultural festivals. These experiences provide firsthand exposure to art, music, dance, and traditions which you can then discuss with those around you. This is great because you will be discussing what you have experienced and you won't always feel the need to have lots of background knowledge!

b) Engaging in Conversations: Building on the last point- Seek out intellectual discussions, book clubs, or debate groups. Engaging with diverse perspectives challenges your viewpoints and encourages critical thinking. The best part of this kind of thing is that they usually centre around an agreed-upon text or topic, meaning you can read up beforehand and come equipped with some things to say to kick off the conversation. Once you are used to this, more spontaneous conversations will feel more normal and less intimidating.

c) Traveling and Exploring: Traveling broadens your horizons by exposing you to different cultures, histories, and traditions. But you don't have to go far! Immerse yourself in the local lifestyle, visit museums, and interact with locals to gain a deeper understanding of the places you explore. Just stay curious.

Consume Less

Hang on, I thought this was all about learning?

Well, yes and no!

We don't just learn things by consuming knowledge, creating things yourself is a really powerful tool for becoming more cultured.

You can gain many insights into cultural practices such as art, dance, and music by getting stuck in and giving them a go yourself. Not only can this be way more fun than simply reading about the topic, but it can also be great to be able to talk from personal experience about when you were involved in the activities.

You may not have read the entire works of Shakespeare but your role in the local production of As You Like It would give you an interesting and engaging perspective on the topic, in half the time!

You're Allowed to Have an Opinion

Some people who are seeking to become more cultured are afraid of expressing the wrong opinion. They think it will somehow show them up as being uncultured or uneducated. So they prefer to sit on the fence and stay quiet.

But I'm here to tell you that that is nonsense.

The whole of academia is people arguing over the best way to interpret and think about things.

In fact, the fastest way to seem uneducated or boring is to express no opinion. It suggests, at best, that you don't care or, at worst, that you don't understand.

So go for it.

Express opinions, feel your feelings and explore that with others. Sure you might change your opinions when you learn new information or hear a new perspective- that's totally encouraged- but whatever you do don't become opinion-less.

A person who says they don't like Charles Dickens because he's a bit of a waffler is infinitely more interesting than someone who simply tells you that he's considered a great writer…See what I mean?

Just Say you Don't Know

Embrace the Power of this little phrase:

"I Don't Know".

Seriously, don't be afraid to admit when you don't know something. No one goes through life knowing everything and saying that you don't know gives off more of a confident and cultured air than trying to make something up.

Imagine bumbling your way through a made-up opinion on something you've never read, only for it to be blatantly obvious to those around you that you've never read a word of what they're discussing- so awkward.

Saying you don't know, is saying "Ah sorry I spent my time reading other things." It's honest, it's humble, and it's a hell of a lot less cringe-worthy.

By acknowledging the gaps in your knowledge, you open yourself up to new ideas and opportunities for growth. Ask questions, seek clarification, and engage in conversations where you can learn from others.

And as a bonus, people tend to like people that they can teach and explain things to, so you'll actually make yourself more appealing this way.

Everyone Has To Go To The Toilet

And lastly, just remember that everyone feels this way to some extent. There will be many people who look at you and think that you are one of those crazy knowledgeable people they're afraid to look silly in front of.

When the situation arose that I was explaining the intricacies of lay and back betting to my typically-cultured friend, I saw a fear in his eyes that I recognised immediately as being overwhelmed by a whole area of knowledge that he didn't know existed until that point.

Your knowledge is big and valuable, it just might not stretch in the usual directions.

And if all else fails, when you come into contact with someone who holds what seems like an encyclopaedia in their head, just remember that they have to go to the toilet too.

It helps me to remember that no one is better than I am, and I'm not better than anyone else either.

No amount of philosophy is going to stop you from needing a number 2…