Us Enneagram Type 3s have survived by exiling the parts of ourselves society doesn't consider admirable, and bolstering the parts of ourselves that society does deem admirable.

Unfortunately for us, our society is run by the patriarchal wounded masculine. This means we have been taught to value what the wounded masculine values and hate what the wounded masculine hates.

Since Enneagram Type 3s find their worth through achieving success in whatever society values, many parts of us have had to take on the energy of the wounded masculine to help us survive.

This has looked like…

Exiling our emotions.

This really boils down to exiling the feminine within us. Our emotions are the life within us — and the feminine energy in all of us is what is alive. The masculine energy in all of us is what holds the container for and protects what is alive in us.

The wounded masculine energy of the patriarchy that runs our society (especially through the way the patriarchy has utilized capitalism) views emotions as a weakness that only gets in the way. It is no surprise, then, that us Enneagram Type 3s have a similar relationship with our emotions — they get in the way of productivity, and if we didn't have them, it'd be easier to do the work we need to become even more admirable.

Hating our bodies if they aren't what the wounded masculine would deem admirable.

The wounded masculine has this weird emphasis on bodies that plays out in both devaluing the feminine (as well as devaluing non-white bodies.)

The only feminine body that is considered admirable is the type of body that bolsters the ego of the wounded masculine in the current times. The only masculine body that is considered admirable is the hyper-masculine.

How this plays out for the average Type 3 woman is intense body shame if they don't meet every criterion for the "ideal woman" the wounded masculine communicates through the mouthpiece of the media (breast size, thinness, hips, etc). Many male Type 3s also have body shame about any part of them that isn't considered hyper-masculine (height, dick-size, musculature, etc).

However, the difference is that even the feminine body is only valued for its ability to please the wounded masculine. The feminine is only valued for its ability to be used.

Notice the parts of your body you have a hard time loving…are those the same parts that society tells you that you should be ashamed of? That's the wounded masculine at work.

Valuing productivity/achievement at the cost of relationships.

The wounded masculine finds his worth in results and exiles anything that gets in the way of results. Sound familiar to how you had to survive in this world? Me too.

There are always those human parts of us that want to connect with others, but many Enneagram Type 3s also develop parts of us that are highly attuned to how productive we have been lately and will pull away and devalue anything that gets in the way of us being perceived as admirable.

Experiencing a deep fear of intimacy.

Since the wounded masculine finds his worth in his results, he is afraid to be seen for who he really is. Since Enneagram Type 3s internalize the energy of the wounded masculine as a means to protect ourselves from the outer wounded masculine, we also learn our worth is only in our admiration.

Intimacy requires us to get naked with life again — to drop our masks and be seen for who we really are. This is extremely vulnerable, and vulnerability always risks admiration. And when we risk not being seen as admirable, we are put face to face with our abandonment wounds. This is why for many Enneagram Type 3s, intimacy is associated with abandonment. We have the wounded masculine to thank for that — especially because the wounded masculine does abandon what it doesn't deem as admirable. Ugh.

How to heal your wounded masculine.

The first step is to be aware of how you've had to internalize the wounded masculine energy inside of you in order to survive. Don't make yourself wrong for that, it was an intelligent survival mechanism that got you here.

The second step is to get the support you need to feel your emotions again. This is super important in making peace with what is genuinely alive inside of you, instead of what society says should be alive in you. (Blegh.) This also paves the way to experiencing deeper intimacy and connection with others, which has been a lifelong journey for me as an Enneagram Type 3.

Once you are more in touch with the life inside of you through feeling your repressed emotions, take a look at your life and the parts of it that aren't serving you anymore. Where is your life still heavily influenced by the ideology of the wounded masculine? Where would you genuinely like to spend your time and attention instead?

This is very hard work for an Enneagram Type 3, but the good news is that it isn't meant to be done alone.

I am a coach who helps Enneagram Type 3s reclaim their true identity by unraveling and unburdening the wounded masculine from their inner system. If you'd like to explore more about working with me, schedule a consultation session and let's talk!