November was a busy month for me. I knew it would be tough, so I focused on my priorities and kept just putting one foot in front of the other.

Last Wednesday, I had one day left to get through, and then it was time to take my foot off the pedal and cruise on into December.

I'd decided to take it easy as I was tired and had a full day of in-person training the next day.

As the day progressed, though, I didn't feel better. I felt progressively worse. When my husband got home from work, I decided to go to Accident and Emergency, what we call ER in Singapore. My objective was to get in front of what I believed was most likely a bout of diverticulitis.

It was.

And here I am, sitting in hospital a week later.

So began, a pretty shitty week. One which meant I was unable to work. I've been in hospital since and still feel pretty rubbish, but will get home tomorrow. So that's almost a full week in hospital.

This year hasn't been the best. It started off well, but then I had pretty bad depression for a few weeks. I crawled out of that and hoped I'd finish better than it started.

Then life flipped its middle finger at me.

What I've been focusing on this year?

I have spent this year working on my mental health, particularly in being kinder to myself. And even then, I still needed another person to remind me of this.

I told my friend who was visiting that it seemed around four to five pm most days, I seemed to have a complete emotional breakdown. I'd have a massive crying jag and wallow in my misery.

My friend replied that given I was in pain, unable to eat and in hospital, it really wasn't surprising that I couldn't manage my emotions as effectively as I normally do. Also, I'm allowed to be sad in the circumstances.

Her reminder really helped me to give myself some grace. What I saw as failure, she saw as strength. It's just harder to see what's happening to us. It's four pm, and I feel that familiar lump in my throat. Since I'm feeling somewhat better I'm going to write through it.

How to write through the pain?

Therefore, how is this the best thing that ever happened to me?

I came across this question from one of my favourite YouTubers, which has been challenging for me to ask myself. I've linked his video at the end of this essay.

I'm struggling to find the positives in this situation, but…

Here's what I have come up with so far.

Life is precious, and being alive isn't to be taken lightly. Trite and obvious, I know, but sometimes it's so easy to forget.

Being in pain makes everything that much harder. I need to remember that when dealing with everyone. You never know where they're at in their journey.

I had to call up a company I work for and tell them I couldn't make it in to work as I was in hospital. I felt terrible about it — but they showed me why I work for them. Nothing but kindness and compassion from them and the client.

I've learnt that mental health is impacted by how healthy we are. But, having spent the year working on my mental health when it was hard, I had the resources to navigate my emotions.

I have friends who regularly check in on me and several who visit when I am up for it. I didn't have to pretend to be better than I was, and I could be honest about my mental state.

One interesting thing that I've found is that just doing something will help me move on from my misery. Doing a Duolingo lesson, calling my insurance company, and knitting as I watch Netflix.

Doing these helped me to feel better for different reasons but mainly because they kept my mind occupied on something other than how I felt.

Much like a craving for a cigarette or a drink, it will pass if we can ride it out and do something else.

Finally, my husband stepped up to manage things at home on top of his job. He's visited every day and gone out of his way to get the brand of chocolate I wanted. He's been empathetic when I've cried and reminded me that getting well is the priority.

I also have some funny stories about the horrors of what happens when you have little veins, and it takes five attempts to place a cannula (IV). I'm covered in bruises, and now I'm no longer in pain; I can laugh about it.

And as writers, all of our lived experiences give us the creative well from which we draw. I can't say this experience is the best thing that ever happened to me, but it's not the worst. I am still here. I've survived, and I will do so again.