Hi!!!!!! (Notice the subtle six exclamation marks carefully. When you use six of any punctuation marks in your text, the other person is hypnotized to write you back right away. It's an unwritten rule. That's how I cracked the code of getting an instant response. Now you know.)

Who's your favorite porn actress? Actor? How many favorites do you have? And why are they your favorites?

I love you SO much it hurts!!!!!! (Fun fact? This is my icebreaker — with anyone, really.)

Why does it say you've "seen" my DM when you clearly haven't?

Did you die as soon as you read my DM??????

That's funny. Because you can't answer that after you died. LMFAO!!!!!!

Why does it say you have "seen" my DM again when you clearly are dead??????

Are you cheating on me?

I'm cheating on you.

How are you?????? (You cannot go wrong with this. People are tempted to answer this, especially if they're on their deathbeds.)

I'm fine. THANKS. (Love me some passive-aggressive behavior. It's a huge turn-on to the other person.)

It kind of makes you wonder, doesn't it? NO??????

I've always believed that what goes around, comes back all the way around.

That's a rhetorical question. DO NOT answer that.

How are you NOW?

I'm going to die as soon as I send this DM to you. See you in hell?

What do you think is the most painless way to die? Scratch that. Tell me the most painful way. I'll just not choose that option. Actually, tell me both — in that order. I'll decide what is most painless.

I know you saw my text in your Notification Centre and cleared it. TEXT ME BACK!!!!!! RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

Not to dim the charge on this delightful conversation, but, are you jerking off now?

Why do I get the strong feeling you're STILL alive? Explain to me in ONE long message, not less than 1239 words, but limited to 3872 words. Please and thank you!

Are you a ghost now? A ghost who ghosts me?

A ghost who ghosts me. That's a good one, right? Right??????

Are you laughing now?

WOW!!!!!!

My questions are NOT rhetorical questions. What are you, nitwit?

What's cooking? What are you cooking? Answer in that order.

That's weird. Why does it NOT say you're typing when you must be typing? Please tell me you have lost all your fingers and you're bleeding all over the phone. If so, activate VoiceOver on your phone and answer me.

I'm drinking coffee with my favorite porn actress. Guess who!!!!!! Hint? She's not a virgin.

Are you a virgin? If you don't answer back in the next thirty-six seconds, I'll put down "The exact opposite of a virgin!"

Here's the link to an article I wrote on Medium about why I wholeheartedly cheated on you. It's okay if you don't click on it because I know nobody does. Can you at least PLEASE clap 50 times? I mean, literal claps —but not too loudly. 49 claps??????

I've always believed that more is lost by indecision than by wrong decision.

Do I turn you on? This IS a rhetorical question. But, feel free to answer, only if the answer is "It's impossible NOT to get turned on by you."

🤷🏻‍♂️!!!!!!

IF I'm a huge turn-off to you AND you want to know how else to effortlessly get instant responses, read the below titles— WITHOUT clicking on these links and clap 48 times — loudly. THANKS!!!!!!: