A few years ago I was listening to Tim Ferriss give a talk. I don't remember the entire context of the conversation, but it centered around the steps he took to prioritize his health.
One major change Ferriss implemented was the elimination of caffeine from his diet. The exact statement was something to the effect of, "I spent years punching my central nervous system in the face by overdosing on coffee."
While I don't consider Tim my guru, I do respect his opinion. I felt the twinge of conviction as I listened to his talk, while I slurped down my third cup of coffee on the way to work that morning. It was barely 6 A.M. I didn't give my coffee up then, rationalizing that I drank because I enjoyed the taste and the ritual.
I wasn't addicted to it. I CHOSE my coffee each morning. I could go without it if I wanted to. No big deal.
Self-Diagnosis
A couple of years later, my sleep was off-kilter for a long time. I slept through the night, but it was not a deep sleep. I was tired most of the time, even if I did get a full night's sleep. So I supplemented this chronic fatigue with…more coffee.
"I can slam a cup of coffee before bed and sleep like a baby," I told one friend.
But I knew something was off. I shouldn't have felt so tired all the time. Nor should I have been on edge. After poking around and doing a little research, I arrived at three conclusions as to what could be ailing me.
- I needed hormone therapy. Although I had certain symptoms that would make me likely candidate, my levels had been tested a couple of months prior and everything was in good working order. So that conclusion could be crossed off the list.
- I had chronic fatigue syndrome. I'll admit, I went down a rabbit hole on this one, spending a couple weeks looking into all of the angles of CFS and self-diagnosing. Turns out, I'm a pretty good candidate due to years of chronic stress, low amounts of sleep, and past traumatic events. On a common symptoms level I've experienced almost every symptom relating to CFS.
- I needed to give up caffeine. Whether I had CFS or not, cutting out caffeine is one of the most common treatments for it. I figured it was an easy change I could make to see what the effects would be before consulting a doctor. Also, I had a gut feeling that my caffeine intake was contributing somehow.
Experiments and Data
How could I determine if caffeine was my problem? First I needed to get a baseline of what my measures were while I was caffeinated. In other words, for three weeks I monitored my sleep levels, my mood, mental clarity, joint health, and my caffeine intake.
After three weeks of business as usual, with some data to compare, I cut out all caffeine completely for three weeks and used the same data measures.
During my three weeks of normal caffeine intake, my averages were as follows: 5 cups of coffee per day (12 ounces), 5 hours and 43 minutes of sleep per night. My longest sleep during that period was 8 hours 15 minutes. My shortest sleep was 3 hours and 7 minutes. I had mild joint soreness after every workout (6 days out of each week) My irritability level was steady at about a level 5 on a scale of 1–10, 10 being the highest.
During my three weeks without caffeine, my averages were: 6 hours 17 minutes of sleep per night. My longest sleep in one night was 9 hours and 45 minutes, the shortest sleep being 4 hours 13 minutes. I had mild joint soreness only twice a week after working out. My irritability level was at a 2 on a scale of 1–10.
Me on Caffeine
Without recalibrating myself by eliminating caffeine, I wouldn't have been able to do an honest assessment of what I was like with the steady drip of daily caffeine pulsing through my system. From being off of caffeine for six weeks now, me on the juice is much different.
While on caffeine, I tend to be much more aggressive and reactive. For years it seemed the illusion of me as a coffee-sipping go-getter was necessary in order to accomplish my day-to-day tasks. I had to take everything head-on in the moment and embrace the grind. Do I feel more productive on caffeine? Sure. Am I measurably more productive than without it? The results surprised me.
The reality was, measurably, I was more productive without caffeine even though I felt more productive with it.
When little hiccups throughout the day and events I didn't plan for would occur, my attention and mood were easily derailed while on caffeine. I dripped heavy on the edges of anger, overreaction, and catastrophizing. It's not a good look and really could explain why I was exhausted all the time.
My energy level would burn hot for a few minutes, maybe even a couple of hours, but the remainder of the day I would feel utterly spent, scatterbrained and frantic. The best way I can describe it is by comparing my brain to my lungs.
On caffeine, it is as if my brain is almost perpetually holding its breath when what it really needs is a good, deep exhalation. Caffeine for me would function as a way to allow me to hold my breath even longer. While, eventually I would need to exhale, as long as I was caffeinated, I didn't have to.
And I've been doing this for years. 16 years ago was the last time I was completely caffeine-free.
So if I was not addicted to caffeine, then why did I continue to consume it for so long?
Me Off of Caffeine
The first three days sans coffee for me were rough. I felt as if I was sleepwalking. The world around me moved at distance. When people talked to me it seemed as if they were far away, their words were echoes. It was almost as if I were watching a strange movie of my life on TV but I was half asleep and the volume was turned down really low.
In the first three days, I also experienced severe, almost migraine-level headaches during the afternoons. These headaches were acute for a couple of hours and remained as a dull buzz until I went to bed each night.
At the end of the first week, I noticed during periods of free time, or lax time in between activities, my consciousness craved stimulation. While my body didn't necessarily crave caffeine by the end of the first week, I had developed neural pathways accustomed to the overstimulation through years of abusing caffeine. My mind grasped for some type of chemical energy spike. It sought constant stimulation like a drug.
At the end of the second week without caffeine, this grasping of my mind ceased. Sitting in silence between tasks was easier. I could feel myself starting to enjoy diving into the relaxation instead of reaching for the next hit. In turn, my ability to focus on one task at a time was much better during my stint without caffeine. The end of the second week demonstrated dramatic increases in my productivity.
Although nothing in my work hours has changed (they actually are longer now) I am getting more done on the job and at home. I feel as if I have more free time, which I can attribute to 2 things:
- It's easier for me to focus when I don't have caffeine. With this increased focus I get more done in less time. Simple. Even though I feel like I'm doing less, I'm accomplishing more tasks.
- While on caffeine, drinking 5 cups of coffee per day, I spent an average of 30 minutes per day preparing coffee or en route to get my fix. Do the math. 30 minutes x 7=3.5 hours a week just to get my coffee. That's not even counting the time spent drinking it. So really I DO have more time off the caffeine.
The biggest payoff for me personally having come off of caffeine is the emotional sensitivity. Without the heightened sense of aggression and my brain grasping for stimulation, I'm more attuned to my emotions. I'm feeling things and becoming more aware of myself in subtle ways. There are a lightheartedness and a space to feel opening in me that is blocked when I'm consuming caffeine.
Final Thoughts
"I can't remember the last time I've slept and while caffeine does sound like Heaven, I wonder if it'll really be able to help me in this state. After all, caffeine does not cure existential exhaustion." — Kayla Krantz, The Moon Warriors: A Novella
Was I addicted to caffeine? In my view, I'll say yes. And frankly, I may be in recovery still. I'm six weeks with no caffeine at the time of this writing and I feel fantastic. It makes me wonder why I continued to consume so much coffee when it didn't seem to enhance anything about my life. If that was the case, if this substance was not adding quality to my life, but I continued using, then I would term my case an addiction.
Caffeine is technically a drug. It's classified by the DEA as a Schedule III substance. This opens the discussion for all kinds of different topics concerning what substances are legal or illegal for us to consume.
Ultimately, I made the decision to stop consuming caffeine for the betterment of my physical and mental health. The norm in Western culture is for the average person to be stressed-out, busy, and frantic, all in the pursuit of some nebulous vision of success.
Is there a subtle emphasis driving this mentality, pushing the masses to buy and consume caffeine? I'll let you be the judge.
All I know is it took me 21 days to realize I had a full-blown addiction, and every phase of my life encouraged it.