Do you know the difference between 'perfectionism' and 'optimalism'?

Well, the perfectionist sets unrealistic expectations for himself which essentially means a refusal of reality, whereas the optimalist accepts reality has it is.

The perfectionist wishes for everything to be without any obstacle on his way to achieve his goals. But life is NOT an easy, without chaos road, and so it is difficult for the perfectionist to adapt. Failure does not exist in his vocabulary, so much so that it can 'ruin' it mental well-being (and more) as it is considered UNACCEPTABLE.

They live in an alternate reality, where criteria for success are always higher and unrealistic believing they remain on their reach.

On the long run, perfectionism leads to disappoint, anxiety, anger and worst as treading emotions is their habit. How can you feel up to the challenge if you have unrealistic expectations???

I know we say 'no dream is too high' but at some point it's like dreaming on hiking Mount Everest in one shot , without having plan for any stop or refill on the road or even worst, having 0 experience of hiking.

On the contrary, the optimalist, see the reality of life AND accept it as part of the natural process of life, learning from experiences. Like what we've seen in last week article, we have to understand that failure is part of the process, and plays a very important role in achieving success. I'd say it's like being a healthy perfectionist.

Success MUST be define with reasonable criteria

It's good to want to reach for the top of the mountain but you HAVE TO ACCEPT that on the road to the top, you might take a wrong turn, hurt your ankle, encounter wild bears or run out of water.

By accepting this (hard) fact, you'll live more fully .

If you wait to be perfect to do or produce, you'll never do anything. At some point, you have to accept to be just average ok and MOVE ON. Ultimately, success will taste better because you'll taste success on your own terms.

'A diamond with a flaw is better than a common stone that is perfect.' — Chinese proverb

Week 12

Are there any aspects of your life were you tend to be more optimalist? Some aspects were you tend to be perfectionist?

Personal story time :

I was a perfectionist most of my life. Until this day, my perfectionism is still the cause of my only one single regret in life, me crying in bed, telling my mom I wanna quit track and field competition. I was 17. I practiced track and field for 10 years back then, training at least 3 times a week (which was actually way less than most other teenagers at my level (#notbragging), dedicate most of my weekends to competition (and by proxy my mom's too, somebody had to drive me all around the region…), even spending all my Wednesday afternoon training the kids section and some weekends for their competition. Anyhow, that's just some details… Track and field was (still is and will remain) my first love.

BUT I am a competitive person, and so when I started having less time to train (because of school and just life in general), I obviously was not making any results anymore. Just so you understand what was going on in my head at the time ; for me it was not even the need to be on the podium, it was beat your last weekend PR or just stay at home and don't bother.

It's obviously unstainable. Eventually, it lead to that fatal moment. In 10 long years of training, listening, never complaining, doing exactly what I was told on the track, I suddenly lost my s***. I got mad at my trainer, started yelling on the training track (saying words I do regret) and refused to train any longer. And this is how I ended up crying in my bed on that random night, with mix feeling of disappoint, shame and rage.

But you know what, I learn from my mistakes. I am still in the process, trying to not be so perfectionist. Proof is, you're reading my words now. If I was still in that same old mentality, in not a millions years, you would be able to read anything I write. I am finally ok with being bad and still show up.

I'll work my way up to mediocre and then good, one word at a time.

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PRACTICE

Look at the table below. For each category, can you think of any situation in your life where you have acted

Do you notice any pattern? If you have behave as a perfectionist, how could you have acted differently, more in line with an optimalist mentality?

'Life is a rose where each petal is an illusion and each thorn a reality' — Alfred de Musset

Do not forget your gratitude exercise. You can make it weekly if it's too much, but I would advise you stick to it daily. Just 10min before bed, I guarantee you'll sleep way better ;)

See you next week, for week 13.