I phrased the title of this article intentionally. Kate and I are married first, and open second. Sure, the open or non-monogamous part is a foundational part of our marriage; our relationship was open before we got married. We're in this for each other and our connected relationship first and foremost.

What does it look like? 90% of the time not much different than any other couple our age and married. We do the dishes, get freaked out by how 2 people can possibly generate that much laundry, take the dog for walks, and bitch about the price of a dozen eggs. We spend more time talking about stuff like the logistics of getting new tires and leaving a car overnight at the garage than we do the logistics of a date that weekend. We do normal stuff the same as, well, normal people living their lives. Probably because we're normal people living our lives. Life stuff.

We're no different than any other couple in that we balance our lives. Between us we have one parent still with us, 5 siblings, 4 kids, 5 grandchildren, and several nieces and nephews. Kate is also blessed (cursed?) to live in the town she grew up in, so there are lifelong friends as well. I LOVE that Kate has coffee on the reg with women she went to kindergarten with. Kate and I each have 9 to 5 full time jobs (Kate's isn't a 9–5, her schedule moves around a bit, which adds complexity). There's no shortage of weddings, showers, soccer games and wrestling matches to manage. Not to mention doctor's appointments, getting licenses renewed, and remembering to stop and get half and half on the way home. Life stuff.

There's family drama. On our plates this morning: one kid who had a doctor tell them the word cancer yesterday, and that pieces of their body are probably going to have to be removed. Another has some significant legal issues that are likely to ripple far and wide. Still another is getting married and has a big wedding that's coming up in a few months. The 4th kid wears the uniform, as does their spouse, so there's the constant generalized parental angst that comes from having a kid on active duty. We've had an uncle pass away fairly suddenly in the last month. Two of our grandchildren are under a year old, nieces and nephews are either pregnant or have just had a baby. I deal with gout; Kate is fighting the hotflash battle. Life stuff.

There's lifestyle stuff for us as well. Two dates this weekend. Friday we're grabbing dinner with a couple we've developed a great friendship with; and had great sex with. No play this time. We're spending time together, catching up and relationship building. Saturday we're going out of town to meet with a single guy. Him we're playing with. This will be our first time crossing paths with him, we've been talking for a while now. Kate has a date planned for next week with one of her regular playmates. We've got a tentative date next month to play with this weekend's dinner couple. Life stuff.

Tonight, Kate is giving a 6 year sober anniversary chip to a woman she sponsors. I'll be going to the meeting as well. We're hosting a fairly significant family shindig Memorial Day Weekend. Before then, there's floors that need to be sanded and refinished, rooms that need to be painted, plus all manner of spring time work that has to happen when you live on a couple acres that's mostly in the woods. Life stuff.

Kate made an awesome turkey breast in the crock pot yesterday. With it we had some broccoli prepared with a tip from the couple we're meeting Friday night. I broke the high E string on one of my guitars this morning. Clifford the Wonder Dog has decided that protecting the trash can from the Chow Hound cat is now of paramount importance. The pilot light on the propane fireplace went out. I woke up this morning to Kate snuggled up tight to me, her arm across my chest; no better way to start a day. Life stuff.

We're the couple you see walking arm in arm in the grocery store. You see us at a restaurant leaning in and talking with each other. We're the couple holding the hands of a grandkid as we walk to the playground. We're the couple you notice at lifestyle party, very comfortable and easy with each other and everyone. An hour later you see us in the playroom, probably not with each other. Life stuff.

We've learned over time how to manage it all. One of the big lessons has been realizing that just because we can, doesn't mean we should. We could have played with the couple we're having dinner with this weekend; we chose not to. We've learned that multiple play dates in a weekend tend to not go all that well. Headspace is an issue, and there's physical parts too. It's just not skillful for us. Headspace from lifestyle time spills into "regular" time, and vice versa. Life stuff.

Kate is off today, like I said her schedule is weird. I got her coffee going and went up to wake her up; she slept in a bit. I get upstairs and she's surrounded; Clifford on one side, and the Chow Hound cat on the other. Clifford and Chow Hound ran down the stairs together. Kate came down and joined me on the couch, followed immediately by Clifford. We do our thing; sit facing each other and start talking. Life stuff.

Kate and I are best friends and lovers. At her core, Kate is not monogamous. Lucky for us, it turns me on and fills me when she's with other people; that we swing, and I get to meet and engage with amazing women is a bonus. Our marriage and connection is strong, we love each other deeply, we've learned each others communication styles, and how to communicate with each other. Life stuff.

Thanks for reading!! Please be kind to your self and others!!

Sam & Kate