I'm going to start by saying fetishising black men needs to stop. Period.

As I lay on my bed checking Medium to find some good reads before I sleep, I came across an article that had taken my breath away. I am in utter shock of what I've just read.

I am South Asian and I have grown up in a predominantly black community my whole life. That doesn't mean I have only dated black men but I am a woman who values human dignity and equality.

A woman who has faced racism and also been fetishised.

A quote from the horrific article I read:

"The reason I enjoy hot sex with Black guys but avoid relationships with them is because, frankly, I don't think I could take the public scrutiny on top of everything else that I deal with."

Shocking right?

So what this person has outright stated is that they only want to be with a black man in private but do not have the guts to walk with them in public.

Being with a black man in a sexual manner because you think it's "cool" but when it's time to be serious, you kick them to the curb.

Saying you're not racist but can't deal with the public scrutiny? Make it make sense.

Absolutely disgusting.

Rewinding to the Fetish History

The hyper-sexualisation and stereotypes around black men have been going on for way too long. Reducing black men to objects of sexual desire rather than recognising them as the individuals they are is a big problem in the non-black community.

European colonisers enslaved Africans and depicted them as hypersexual and physically superior. This led to sexual abuse amongst the enslaved, where black men were depicted as having an insatiable desire for sex and being a threat to white women and black women were depicted as sexually promiscuous and available.

All because the colonisers wanted to feel superior.

They created a stain on black men and women that doesn't seem to be coming out.

It's deeply rooted and still manifests today.

Enough is Enough

Growing up in the black community, I witnessed a lot of non-black women fetishising black men knowing damn well that they couldn't be caught dead with a black man.

And I would ask these people "So you do not value them as a human."

They didn't like what I had to say. It would always be a "No, it's not that" or "My family are very strict" blah blah blah.

How can you hype the fact that you are sleeping with a black man to your peers knowing you can't be seen walking with them on the street, or your family would cut ties with you?

If you know your family is strict and you can't be in a relationship with a black man or somebody outside of your culture/religion — why are you doing it?

If you don't dare to be seen with a black man, I don't think you should be intimate with them.

If you are not ready to stand up against your family or society — then you shouldn't be speaking to them, dating them, let alone sleeping with them.

How can you feel comfortable being intimate with a black man but not standing up for them?

No strings attached sex should always be fun. But being used is not fun!

There are better ways to explore your sexual desires without hurting people.

I don't need to sit here and remind non-black communities that black men and women bleed just like everybody else. We're all human, we have feelings, we love, and we want to be happy. We all want the same things in life.

So what is the issue?

But that's the funny thing. It's not an issue to the non-black community because they are not the ones it is affecting.

Pathetic.

As a woman who has been fetishised before, all I will say is: Stop giving access to people who treat you like this!

They will treat their dog better than you.

A horrific obsession that needs to come to an end.