In software engineering, there is a simple yet clever trick for getting unstuck. It is called rubber duck debugging and it works a charm for finding a way out of a tangled mess.
- First, get yourself a small, bathtub-variety rubber duck. If no ducks are immediately available, any non-threatening inanimate object will do.
- Next, with the object in front of you, tell it your problem. Make sure to methodically talk through your challenge, step by step.
Through this act of verbalising, more often than not, you will spot an error or gain an insight about what might be awry.
What's great about this method is that it can be applied to more than technical problems. I discovered this myself in my wayward, 8-year career journey from Web Developer to UX Researcher to Transformational Coach.
In short, I learned — the hard way — how to become the person I needed when I was stuck and struggling with code problems (and beyond).
I didn't realise it at the time, but the rubber duck debugging method was crucial to my self-coaching. Mastering this method is what has enabled me to support others more effectively.
In this article, I share more about my self-talk journey, how to talk to ducks, and how to be more duck-like, so you can be the most help to others when they're stuck, too.
My ugly rubber duckling story — a journey in self-talk
Eight years ago, I jumped on an opportunity to train as a Junior Web Developer at a small tech company in Yorkshire, England. I was lucky to have a bright office space next to a window, a large shiny monitor, and all the coding books I could devour.
But just like the days in the North, that sunny scene was short lived.
The first sign something was amiss was the increasingly frequent migraines. This was owing to endless hours with furrowed brow, staring at the stark white pages throwing bits of shade at me made of indecipherable code.
One particularly cloudy day, while perfecting my thousand-line stare, the symbols on the screen receded. Like a Magic Eye poster, the secret behind the print revealed a familiar image. I caught my own glare, now covered in code, its lines threatening to commit themselves permanently to my face.
It was that moment that I knew I was well and truly stuck. I'd been talking to my rubber duck for weeks, as I'd learned to do in The Pragmatic Programmer, but I needed something more to make sense of this mess.
I needed a person-sized duck to talk to. Or a duck-like person.
Fast forward two years and I had moved on from the code entirely. My new work involved a lot of talking. And listening. As a UX Researcher at a giant fin-tech, I was spending my days interviewing users about their motivations, their processes, their plans to buy.
And even though I was gaining huge amounts of insights through conversations — both personally and professionally — it still wasn't enough. The familiar feelings of stuckness persisted.
Things didn't truly change until I got better at talking to ducks. And found some duck-like people to flock to.
Skipping ahead another four years, I've improved at both. Today, I spend my days as a coach, talking to myself and helping others do the same. Now when I'm stuck, I know what to do. I trust the process. And I'm able to share a few things I've learned about that.
How to talk to ducks
When talking to a rubber duck, you're actually talking to yourself. Through the medium of a duck. That's why how you do it matters.
Berating the duck isn't productive. You're only hurting yourself. If only because you're wasting your time. The duck don't care.
When talking through an issue, you want to state the facts on the ground, in a sensible order. Walking through the reality allows you to make sense of what's actually true. And get some distance from what's not helping.
It's important to not skip over steps in your process. Especially the parts you think you know well. We often take those bits for granted.
Maybe something there could use a rethink? Maybe a method doesn't work as well as it used to?
This is why it's helpful to question every aspect. Which leads us to…
Why does talking to a rubber duck work?
This method is effective for three main reasons. Talking through your situation out loud, to an impartial and non-judgemental observer, allows you to:
- Slow down and reflect on how you arrived at your current state. This is critical for sense-making and flaw-spotting.
- Shift your perspective by looking at each step in the process instead of taking mental shortcuts. Things skipped over is often where the errors slip in.
- Force yourself to put your circumstances into words, as well as any thoughts or feelings that relate to them. A words-first approach is how you show yourself the true story of what's happening, rather than letting the desired outcome tell the tale.
These three aspects give you the necessary distance and emotional control to approach things differently, resulting in new insights. The change is subtle, but incredibly powerful.
When you get really good at this self-talk, you understand how important it is to give others the space to learn how to do this for themselves. It can also help you curb the desire to solve someone's problem for them, aka becoming the advice monster.
How to be more duck-like
Being the sitting duck for someone else's thinking is often transformative — for both of you. It's surprising how much you can learn about yourself from silently listening to a person work through a challenge.
To be more duck-like, let's start looking at some (rubber) ducks! Here are common features they share:
- Rubber ducks are quiet (unless really squeezed…even they have boundaries)
- Rubber ducks are unassuming and don't take up space
- Rubber ducks are there for you when you need them
- Rubber ducks regard you with an open, curious stance
- Rubber ducks are bright and positive
It is these features that make talking to a duck fairly easy and comfortable. Here's what we can learn from this, to be more duck-like in our listening approach:
Be silent like a rubber duck
If someone is thinking through a problem out loud with you, it is important to give them the space to process their thoughts, feelings, and words. If you're speaking, they're not thinking — they're listening to you. In fact, your sounds are an interruption to their thinking. This is not actually helpful.
Silence is empowering. You'll know this to be true the first time you sit quietly for longer than you normally would and because you did so, the other person began speaking again. And it results in an insight. It is amazing to witness. Don't rob yourselves of that moment.
Create a non-judgemental space
Rubber duck debugging is for the person with the challenge. It's their time in the tub, so to speak. Give them the space to splash around, to play with ideas, to mix things up.
After all, this isn't about you or your story. It is their hero's journey; you're the Helper. In a duck suit.
Be present, but not ever present
Great rubber ducks can be relied on to be at your desk (or in the bathroom, near the tub). They have the most utility there. However, if they popped up everywhere, that'd be a bit unnerving. And if they weren't there when expected, that'd be disappointing.
If you are serving the role of human-duck for someone, aim for reliable but not overbearing. People need to know they can count on you…and can count on you to let them solve their own problems.
One extreme of this looks like rescuing, being unboundaried, enabling, or co-dependent. The other end is flaky, abandoning, and other forms of untrustworthiness. Stay in your swim lane.
Approach with curiosity and unconditional positive regard
Two of the core competencies of coaching apply well when being a rubber duck for someone. The first is about having a curiosity mindset — holding things lightly and with engaged interest. This creates psychological safety and allows insights to surface.
The second is the concept of 'unconditional positive regard'. This refers to seeing people in a non-judgemental, optimistic light. When we bring our negativity, our criticism, or our biases to the fore, people can feel it. This hinders thinking and forward progress.
Practice being curious, charitable, and optimistic, especially about the future.
Being more duck-like starts at home
As mentioned above, talking to a duck is really about talking to yourself, e.g., improving your self talk. If you practice the ideas above in your own conversations with rubber ducks, you will naturally treat others in kind. You will find it much easier to slip into that role of silent listener for others, because it's both practiced and experientially powerful. And in doing so, you will hear so much more in what others say that will help you get unstuck, too.
For me personally, as I learn more and more every day about how people operate and what they need to thrive, my deep listening becomes simpler and easier. I don't even need to understand the particulars or possible solutions of your situation (a rubber duck certainly doesn't!)…You have that. You know your code better than I ever will.
Everyone has all the answers they need — we just need to be there to help others find them.
Finding your flock
If you're interested in having more of these insight-generating conversations, there are many people in the talking modalities who can fill the role of rubber duck.
Coaches in particular are well-suited for this work, as one of the core tenets of coaching is to help you find the answers yourself by being a non-judgemental and silent observer. Pure coaches do not give advice or tell you what to do. Coaches who blend more of a consultative or mentor-like approach into their practice may offer suggestions and even solutions, but they should be clear about when they are embodying each of those roles.
Good mentors and therapists can also provide this objectivity, although their roles are slightly different from coaches in that they have particular training or expertise to lend. This may be useful, depending on your challenge and circumstance.
What would Daisy do?
Talking to your role models — either in your head or other form of expression, such as writing or voice memos— is another great way to practice rubber ducking your way through a challenge. Para-social relationships often get a bad rap, but this is one of the ways they can really work well. Why have role models if we can't model ourselves through conversation with them? Go forth and talk!
What about friends and family?
A great way to practice the rubber duck method is with trusted people close to you. Just be clear with them about how they can support you. You may want to allow them to bring a challenge to you first, so you can model what being a silent rubber duck looks and feels like.
Whatever you do, keep in mind the great advice from Brené Brown, "Clear is kind."
It's weird, but if it works, so what?
Just like you don't need the rubber duck to achieve success as a software engineer, you don't need a coach or other duck-like people in your life to move forward with your goals. You can certainly get by without.
However, talking things out — with a rubber duck or a trusted person — is guaranteed to improve your self-talk. The more you do that, the more you realise that you are becoming exactly the person you needed back when you were stuck. And that you are uniquely positioned to be there for others right now.
Kim is a life-long overthinker who has overcome many challenges to turn her mental energy into a super skill for getting things done and feeling great about it. She's on a mission to help others do the same. Join the expert thinkers who are gaining clarity and focus with weekly insights in the Hold That Thought newsletter