I had to think long and hard about writing this post because it opens me up to criticism on a topic that I might not be ready to handle. But I have already been trolled this week so I feel like I have nothing to lose. Truth be told, it's one of those subjects that is so inflammatory to a lot of people that I feel like it will always be a touchy subject. However, I do think there has to be an open discussion on this and I'm willing to start it – I won't be replying to comments though. If you feel strongly, please write your own post.

To be clear from the start, I want all-gender toilets to exist for a number of reasons but I didn't always feel this way.

Back in 2009, on a Saturday afternoon, I left the hair salon after a colouring appointment and went to a gender neutral toilet in my local branch of Marks & Spencer. It's in a side room away from the part where people shop and there are five doors. None of them are for any particular gender. People just go in there and choose a toilet. The doors have no gaps and they are intended to be as safe as possible. There are even CCTV cameras facing the outside of the doors to catch anyone getting up to mischief and ensure safety.

The problem is, this is the real world we live in and there is always the potential for mischief. While I was in one of the toilets, a teenage boy tried to unlock the toilet from the outside. The design of the lock was such that if someone had a coin or a screwdriver they could unlock the door from the outside easily — for safety reasons apparently. Of course, I kicked the side of the stall, screamed bloody murder and he cleared off. No harm was done physically but I was left traumatised by the fear of what might have happened and still am to this day. Despite being caught on CCTV, and a complaint being made to the store and the police immediately, he was never caught and there were no consequences for him.

That teenage boy was years later found guilty of a sex offence and sentenced. It was not an isolated incident for him.

So, you might think I would be 100% against all-gender toilets, given my own experience. That's not the case. I still think that these gender-neutral spaces absolutely must exist because of my experiences in the months and years that followed.

You see, I'm an unpaid carer for a disabled person. This disabled person is now almost an adult and he is unable to safely enter a men's restroom by himself. Physically, he is fine. Mentally, he wouldn't be able to handle any difficult situations that might arise.

His eyes are everywhere. He struggles with boundaries. He doesn't know when people are being unkind to him. He has sensory challenges. There are too many potential problems. He simply can't be allowed to enter a men's restroom by himself safely, but also, he's now too old to come into the ladies' room with me. So, when we are out in public places such as restaurants, it's difficult to navigate this issue. We use disabled toilets a lot, but there could be one stall for disabled people and if there are lots of people with disabilities in a venue, there could be a long wait.

Plus, using the disabled toilet draws attention to his disabilities, which he doesn't like doing. Like I said, he is physically very able and he's also proud and self-conscious. He wants to be like everyone else.

So, for that reason, I want all-gender toilets to exist. But I also want single gender toilets to exist too. There are lots of people like me who have had bad experiences in restrooms and having a safe space for women only feels more comfortable.

But what about trans people?

I know that trans people and allies will come at me about that but the existence of single gender toilets does not eradicate the existence of all-gender toilets. Can't we have both? And if someone has transitioned, I they should be allowed to choose a single-gender toilet or an all-gender one. Their choice. Here's my reasons for this belief.

At college recently I was standing next to a person who was in the process of transitioning. They were visibly nervous, washing their hands and trying to keep their head down. They possibly hadn't yet realised that women socialise in bathrooms or just felt scared that they would be asked to leave. Going into the men's room presenting as they did would not have been safe, nor would they have been totally secure in an all-gender toilet.

There is no bigger supporter of your life choices than a woman you just met in a public toilet. Seriously, it's true. So, seeing how nervous they were and knowing what it's like to feel unsafe in a space that should be completely safe, I started chatting to them – about soap and how there was never enough in the dispensers. Small talk, but I think it made a big difference to that person because I could see their body language changing.

Trans people are not the problem. They never have been. But they need protection from predators too. Not enough people are talking about that. So for that person who was in the process of transitioning, as well as women who have had bad experiences in all-gender restrooms, I believe we need to maintain single gender spaces as well as have gender neutral spaces too.

For obvious reasons, since this is an inflammatory subject, I will not be checking comments on this post, but feel free to discuss among yourselves.